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In college, I survived across the street to an agonizingly attractive beverage waiter. Late into the evening, after she’d get back from process, the partner — he or she drove a Porsche, normally — would come for his own nightly rear end label. The areas had been slim. Soon, like clockwork, them vocals would pierce the drywall like a steam locomotive’s whistle: “hehehehehe” with “yesyesyes!” right after which an explosion of high-pitched “ohmigodohmigodohmigod!”

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